I'm trying to be really brave and sit out on my patio tonight, but the combination of beetles buzzing around me (never knew beetles could buzz) and ducks glaring up at me from their resting spots in the grass by the lake is really starting to freak me out. But on a positive note, I just noticed three ceiling hooks on my patio that I never knew were there. Maybe I'll go get some hanging plants tomorrow.
So we're back from our week-long trip to SOS, and I know I should have a really churchy, still-on-a-mission-trip-high, super-inspirational post, but I don't. We've been back for almost a week and I still don't know what to say. Don't get me wrong--it was an incredible week. As far as mission trip experiences go, this one was as close to perfect as I've ever come. I had a phenomenal group of young people to work with all week; my SOS team leader was awesome; our homeowner and her son were lovely and I can't wait to go back and visit them next week. Just truly, truly a great week. Ask me about it sometime. Better yet, I'll blog about it sometime... but that's not what's on my mind tonight.
When I left for this trip, I was feeling a little discouraged about the fact that I basically got a big, fat "NO" from God about something that I wanted. It's stressful to think that you're doing what God wants you to do, only to hit a dead end and find that you have no idea what you're doing after all. I was angry that God didn't seem to be listening to me. What happened to "ask and you shall receive"? I was looking forward to spending a week away from my petty problems... and what do you know, I think it actually worked. Somewhere during the week, it occurred to me that maybe the problem wasn't that God isn't listening to me--I'm the one who's not listening to Him. Yes, that probably seems like a no-brainer to those with stronger faith than I, but hey, I never claimed to be a theologian or anything.
Side note: A few summers ago, I went to a Student Life conference in Branson, Missouri, and heard Francis Chan speak. The theme of the conference was "Flip," and Chan talked about how living for God will totally flip your life upside down. (A lot of what he talked about is in his book Crazy Love, which I recommend reading.) A friend who was on the trip with me was so inspired by Chan's message that he immediately began to flip his life. The change in him has been remarkable, and he is such an inspiration. I didn't feel the same desire to flip my life at the time. I felt like I was where I needed to be, where God had put me, and I was pretty satisfied. And I guess I was a little scared, too. Flipping my life around would be a huge inconvenience. Last fall, around the time I started this blog, I joked with my friend that I was a couple years late, but I was just starting to feel the call to flip things around.
And that's relevant because... I'm starting to see now that listening to God is going to flip my life around. (Duh, I know.) I've been avoiding it because I didn't want things to change, but I'm becoming more okay with the fact that His plans for me are going to require some "stepping out of the box." And more importantly, I'm getting excited about it!
Someone asked me last week what my gifts are, and in answering I realized that I don't know if I'm using all of my gifts to glorify God. Can I look at my life and say that everything I do brings glory to God? Does living my safe, comfortable life--the one where I'm afraid to make changes--bring glory to God? Or is there something else he's calling me to do with these gifts he's given me?
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Missions and confessions.
I just wanted to write a quick update about what's going on with me right now, but in order to do that, I have to make a confession.
I am afraid of spiders. Correction: I have a crippling, irrational fear of spiders. I can't look at them, alive or dead. I can't kill them (what if they don't die, and then they crawl across my hand, and then I'll have to cut my hand off in order to get that icky eight-legs-just-touched-me feeling off of my skin. Yeah, that's my train of thought.) I can't pick up dead spiders to throw them away. I can't even look at or touch pictures of them. I have a favorite author who keeps putting spiders on the covers of his books... I will never be able to read any more of his work. Last Halloween I got a cupcake at Muddy's that had a plastic spider ring on the top, even though I specifically requested one without an arachnid decoration. The guy behind the counter thought he was being so funny. I couldn't eat it until my friend removed the offensive garnish, and even then it was a challenge. Yes, I know this is not normal.
So back to my update. I came home from a lovely week-long Caribbean cruise last weekend to find that a big, yucky spider had taken up residence in my den. It spun a web between an end table and a chair, and for a week it has been suspended there between the two pieces of furniture. I don't know what to do. Yes, I have left it there for a week. I figure that if the spider is in sight, I know that it's not crawling up my back or anything. (Just typing that made me shudder.) Earlier when I was vacuuming, I managed to knock the web down with a vacuum attachment, but the spider disappeared under a chair before I could vacuum it up. When I came home about an hour ago, I discovered that the spider has already spun a new web in the same space and is hanging there probably smirking at me with his stupid little spider mouth. Again, I don't know what to do. Please, someone, come over and get rid of this spider for me.
On another note, I am leaving tomorrow to spend the week at SOS, and I could not be more excited! I packed in record time (I mean, look! I had time to blog!) and I am so ready to spend the week with an awesome group of young people. This week is coming at a good time for me, because I need to just step away from my life for a little while. It will be good for me to think about something other than my little problems. And given my recent frustrations concerning my relationship with my Heavenly Father, I think some time spent in prayer and reflection and service to the Lord is in order. So if you're reading this, please pray for our week at SOS. Pray for our safety as we work in the heat this week; pray that we experience spiritual renewal as we worship and serve together. Pray for the homeowners and SOS staff, and pray that we will truly be the hands and feet of God as we serve our fellow Memphians. I can't wait to see where this week will take me!
I am afraid of spiders. Correction: I have a crippling, irrational fear of spiders. I can't look at them, alive or dead. I can't kill them (what if they don't die, and then they crawl across my hand, and then I'll have to cut my hand off in order to get that icky eight-legs-just-touched-me feeling off of my skin. Yeah, that's my train of thought.) I can't pick up dead spiders to throw them away. I can't even look at or touch pictures of them. I have a favorite author who keeps putting spiders on the covers of his books... I will never be able to read any more of his work. Last Halloween I got a cupcake at Muddy's that had a plastic spider ring on the top, even though I specifically requested one without an arachnid decoration. The guy behind the counter thought he was being so funny. I couldn't eat it until my friend removed the offensive garnish, and even then it was a challenge. Yes, I know this is not normal.
So back to my update. I came home from a lovely week-long Caribbean cruise last weekend to find that a big, yucky spider had taken up residence in my den. It spun a web between an end table and a chair, and for a week it has been suspended there between the two pieces of furniture. I don't know what to do. Yes, I have left it there for a week. I figure that if the spider is in sight, I know that it's not crawling up my back or anything. (Just typing that made me shudder.) Earlier when I was vacuuming, I managed to knock the web down with a vacuum attachment, but the spider disappeared under a chair before I could vacuum it up. When I came home about an hour ago, I discovered that the spider has already spun a new web in the same space and is hanging there probably smirking at me with his stupid little spider mouth. Again, I don't know what to do. Please, someone, come over and get rid of this spider for me.
On another note, I am leaving tomorrow to spend the week at SOS, and I could not be more excited! I packed in record time (I mean, look! I had time to blog!) and I am so ready to spend the week with an awesome group of young people. This week is coming at a good time for me, because I need to just step away from my life for a little while. It will be good for me to think about something other than my little problems. And given my recent frustrations concerning my relationship with my Heavenly Father, I think some time spent in prayer and reflection and service to the Lord is in order. So if you're reading this, please pray for our week at SOS. Pray for our safety as we work in the heat this week; pray that we experience spiritual renewal as we worship and serve together. Pray for the homeowners and SOS staff, and pray that we will truly be the hands and feet of God as we serve our fellow Memphians. I can't wait to see where this week will take me!
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