Things I Discovered.

I am coming down off of the emotions that resulted from spending the weekend volunteering at a youth retreat at church. I am happily exhausted, and deliriously in love with an overwhelming God. Before I curl up under the covers, without setting an alarm (joy!) I wanted to take a minute and document some truly wonderful moments from the weekend while the emotion is still so raw.

First of all, I was asked, along with my friend Daniel, at the start of the weekend to provide prayer support for the youth who were giving talks throughout the retreat. This is not something I entered into lightly. I have been working lately to really be intentional in my prayers, and I have noticed a difference; however, praying aloud, in a group, is not something that is comfortable or easy for me. (Hmmm... could this be one of those challenges from God? He knows I'm just a girl who can't say no... He knows that the only way to get me to push myself to pray out loud is for someone to ask me to do it! And what do you know, it worked.) As a result, I spent some wonderful moments soaking up the presence of God with some really incredible youth. I don't know what to say about these moments. Trying to recall the details of time spent in the presence of God almost seems like I'm exposing a secret that not everyone is privy to. But understanding, no, truly knowing what it feels like to be completely surrounded by His presence, completely enfolded in His embrace... that, my friends, has changed me.

This morning, one particular girl (who, by the way, is incredible and who has become such a sweet friend) gave the sermon in the church service. I accompanied her to the sanctuary to pray over her before her talk, and as we searched for a secluded place to pray we simultaneously remembered the Room Behind the Chapel. To me, this is the official name of the room. The Room Behind the Chapel and I have a history. Although I don't know how old I was when this happened, I remember the day I discovered it. My mom is a private speech therapist, and for years she has used a Sunday school room for speech sessions. As a kid, I loved going to work with her in the summer. The room she used is in the basement of the church, and I would pass the time by exploring the dark hallways and seemingly forgotten rooms. One day when I was feeling particularly brave, I ventured all the way to the end of the hall and up a flight of stairs. I found myself at the back of the chapel (the chapel, by the way, is in my opinion the most beautiful place in our church). And there it was: a plain, unassuming door that led to the most intimate, most holy of places I had ever seen: the Room Behind the Chapel. The delight of the moment when I discovered that room is what has stuck with me through the years; however, I'm sure I spent some time in there that day, sitting in one of the two small pews, kneeling at the altar, flipping the pages in the large Bible. During my years in the youth group, I returned quite a few times to the Room Behind the Chapel, sometimes with my small group and sometimes alone. But in recent years, I haven't been back. Who takes the time on a Sunday morning to actually spend time in the holiest of places? (Sarcasm... sorry.)

But this morning, there we were... my friend H, preparing for her talk, and her faithful group of pray-ers. We spent a good amount of time in the Room, just talking with each other, feeling God's presence, and eventually praying for H. After she left to change into her "sermon outfit," the rest of us stayed in the Room for some additional quiet fellowship. As the theme of the weekend was prayer, we decided to close our time together by praying the Lord's Prayer together. That moment was so powerful, so... surprisingly, calm and energetic at the same time. Hand in hand, we stood and recited those words, the words first spoken by Jesus Christ himself, learned and revered and repeated by generations, with excitement and passion in our voices. When we finished, a fellow pray-er said he felt as if Jesus was hanging over his shoulder, as a good buddy would, the whole time we were in prayer. Another pray-er felt the same thing. What an incredible moment! I feel very much in times like these, as I look into the excited faces of my fellow believers, that we are a part of something so big, so revolutionary, so blessed. If only everyone could understand the excitement we followers of Christ feel when we share these experiences! This is a secret that everyone should be privy to!

After H's sermon, which was wonderful, I returned to the Room Behind the Chapel to pray again with H and a few girls. The small room was filled once again with the spirit of God, but our mood was lighthearted and a bit giddy. This was a moment of thanksgiving for H delivering an inspirational message, but it was also a bittersweet moment for the senior girls who were experiencing their last prayer chapel time on their last youth retreat. Our prayer was less formal and more of a conversation with Jesus, our friend. We got off topic, we whispered about who was supposed to pray next, we giggled when prayers of thanksgiving for seemingly silly things were offered up. Rachel, a youth whom I have mentioned before, said it best: "Guys, we're laughing during prayer. How fun is that?!" She said that mid-prayer, of course. And I couldn't agree more: praying, spending time talking to my God, my best friend, the one whom I love, is fun.

Thanks be to God for a wonderful weekend; for things shared and things discovered, and things that are to come.

Waiting to exhale...

I just have a little note before I set in on writing what I logged on to write. I gave a talk in chapel at work last week, and I talked about using our gifts to serve God and about being open to opportunities when we can discover new gifts. After my talk, one of my teacher friends commented to me that she felt one of my gifts was my ability to spread joy. That just really touched my heart! One of my goals for this school year has been to do all things with a joyful heart and to glorify God in my work. The fact that someone has noticed this change in me just means so much. To God be the glory! I am so thankful that my efforts to let His light shine through me are actually working and making a difference!

And back on track...
One of the greatest blessings in my life in the past few years has been the youth group at my church. I have been volunteering with the Sunday night youth program since I moved back to Memphis, and let me just say that I know some incredible kids. I love being able to spend time fellowshipping and studying God's word with these amazing young people, and I am constantly in awe of their faith and insights and devotion to God. I learn so much from them... I don't think they have any idea how much they impact the lives of all of us youth volunteers. We are all truly, truly blessed.
The youth group is getting ready for a retreat this weekend, which is the biggest youth event of the year. Our youth director and the senior high youth have put countless hours toward planning and preparation for the weekend, and I could not be more excited to see what God has in store for all who will be there. Last Sunday night, one of the senior girls gave a talk about preparing our hearts for the upcoming retreat, and in her talk she said something that I just love. She talked about "breathing in" and "breathing out" times. These are the times when we soak up God's word and presence (breathing in) and the times when we pour into others (breathing out). What a great metaphor! I feel like all I have been doing lately is breathing in. I've been leaning heavily on my friends this past year, looking to them to help me out of my spiritual rut. I have this mental image of a Dementor-- you know how they look when they suck out people's souls? That's me... just breathing in and in, exhausting people with my neediness. I think I've needed this time to focus on myself and my faith. I needed to get my priorities in order and work on centering my life around Christ. Now that I'm doing a little better in those areas, I'm looking forward to a period of breathing out. I'm ready to really focus on what I am doing in the lives of others; I pay so much attention to why God put certain people in my life, but I think it's time to start questioning why God has placed me in others' lives. What should I be doing to serve them, to pour into them? How can I glorify God by breathing out?
So thank you, Rachel, for being such an amazing young woman and for having the courage to stand in front of us and speak such inspirational words. It has been such a wonderful experience to see God work in her life and use her to reach others. Praise to God again for these incredible youth!

Another little note about breathing... just because this came up yesterday... my dear friend who teaches Pilates tells us all the time in class to breathe from our ribs, to feel our rib cages expanding while exercising. And of course, I took issue with this. I whined to her yesterday that I spent many years of my life training to be a singer. And singers breathe from their stomachs. Even when I'm not singing, even now as I slump on my couch, I breathe from my stomach. This is so that I can get a deeper breath, and so that my shoulders and chest don't rise when I breathe (that looks bad in a choir). She sings too, so she understands... but of course she laughed, because who else would complain about breathing being too hard?!

Oh praise the One who paid my debt...

So we were blessed today with a beautiful blanket of sparkling white snow... And finally, the snow actually fell during daylight hours so we could enjoy its awesomeness as it covered everything (and created hazardous road conditions). I decided to take advantage of my afternoon off (early dismissal... gotta love teaching!) and bake a delicious four-layer chocolate cake for mom's birthday, which is tomorrow. Then I fell asleep on the couch, as I was watching the snow fall. And then I realized I might be stuck at my parents' house. As the evening went on, I could feel the beginnings of a cold settling in the back of my throat, which, combined with an allergy attack brought on by our dogs, was making me pretty miserable. All I wanted to do was curl up on my own couch with my Snuggie and my DVR... so I decided to brave the roads. I hate driving in inclement conditions. Mostly because I can't afford to pay to get my car repaired if I run into anything, but also it just makes me really nervous. And now I'm being a total wimp, because I only live three miles from my parents.
After spending about ten minutes digging my car out of the snow and scraping the windows, I experienced an absolutely beautiful drive home. I turned the radio off and just soaked in the silence and the glimmering white expanse all around me. What a joy to get to experience such beauty! That drive was the most peaceful part of my day. I don't understand people who complain about winter weather. First of all, it's only February. It will be a while before spring arrives. You might as well just quit complaining and enjoy the snow while it's here!
Is there a more beautiful sight than pure white, untouched snow?
“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.” Isaiah 1:18

Jesus paid it all,
all to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

And when before the throne
I stand in him complete,
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall still repeat!

I get by with a little help from my friends (and some people I don't know)

I have jokingly started labeling people as being on my “inspirational people” list. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that each of the people on my list does actually inspire me in some way. Some of them are people I know, some aren’t… some have inspired me in life-changing ways, others awe more than inspire. So here it is: my List of Inspirational People.

1. Shaun White. I wish I knew him. I think he’s super cool. That crazy hair, those skinny pants… that laid-back attitude… But seriously, I think he is quite inspirational. In my next life, I want to be a snowboarder. Sure, I’ve only been skiing once, and the thought of trying to move while my feet are strapped to a board is terrifying, but maybe in my next life I’ll be more coordinated. Anyway, I am beyond impressed by Shaun’s snowboarding skills. He is the best in his sport. The best. And not only can he do it all, he is the athlete who sets the bar for all the other snowboarders. I just love the way Shaun masters the sport and then has to actually invent a new move in order to challenge himself. And then all the other snowboarders just hope in vain that they can do Shaun’s signature move better than Shaun himself. Wouldn’t it be great to be such an innovator?! I want to be the person in my field who sets the bar for everyone else. I want to be as skilled and as much of a leader in teaching as Shaun is in snowboarding. Better start growing out my hair…

2. Amy Stroup. She’s a Christian recording artist… and let me just admit here that I don’t listen to much Christian music. Amy should be on my list because of her faith and her songwriting… but mostly it’s because she’s just a really cool person. She spent the weekend with us on a church retreat three years ago, and she’s… normal. Easy to hang out with. She is inspirational to me because she plays the guitar, and my dream is to learn to play the guitar. No, it’s not just my dream. It’s my goal. I will do it.

3. Josh Pastner. Coach of the Memphis Tigers. No, I do not know him, but I wish I did. I am always impressed when young people do amazing things, and Josh is just so incredibly young for a NCAA coach. I so admire his coaching style. He doesn’t use profanity; he doesn’t lose his temper. He got his first technical foul—in his whole coaching career—just last month. (Granted, his coaching career is quite short.) I fear that talking too much about JP will show my lack of basketball knowledge, but basically I admire the way he coaches. He cares about his players. He encourages them to work as a team. He doesn’t tolerate bad attitudes. He is not one of those coaches who believes in winning at any cost. To him, there are more important things than winning. And I think that because of that attitude, he will build a winning team. Josh is an inspiration to me because of his admirable leadership style, his clean lifestyle, and his honest, non-sleazy coaching ways.

4. My friend Rachael. I wish that she had been my inspiration when I was in college. I think she would have kept me out of a lot of trouble. Rachael is a senior in college. As an aside, I think I was super awkward in college. My spiritual life took a backseat to my college life, and as a result it wasn’t until my senior year that I really became serious about growing my faith. Rachael seems like she’s got her act together, at least more so than I did. She is confident, she’s strong in her faith, and she’s much more grown up than I was when I was 22. Rachel is inspirational to me because she’s the person I wish I had been when I was in college.

5. My friend Jason. I promised I wouldn’t use his name, but that would look weird if I had one anonymous person on here. Sorry, Jason. I jokingly added Jason to my list a few weeks ago, when he had enough faith in me to, um, allow me to drive a fifteen-passenger church van full of teenagers downtown. He helped me overcome my fear of driving the van (and my lack of knowledge about the parking brake). But all joking aside, Jason really has earned his spot on this illustrious list. I have talked before about how I can see God putting people in my life for various reasons. Jason became a part of my life when he came to our church almost a year ago. This is a post for another day, but I was not in a good place last year. I’m sure I looked like I had my act together, but spiritually I was suffering. I was in a rut; I wasn’t praying, I wasn’t learning, and I wasn’t desiring God’s presence in my life. I think this blog is proof that I have changed from that person I was last year, and Jason’s presence has played a role in my transformation. Technically, Jason is at our church to be with the youth (not even technically… that’s his job)… but he helps me too. When he talks about God, I listen. I have learned so much from him, and I know that God has used Jason to bring me back to Him, and to make me want to learn more. Jason is incredibly patient, which is a quality I don’t possess and one that I always admire in others. He listens when spoken to, he thinks about his responses, and he always says exactly the right thing. My goal in life is to be peaceful; Jason is much, much better at it than I am. Jason’s faith, his calm demeanor, his quiet but effective leadership, and his way with words are inspiring to me. And now, on the off chance that he reads this, I’m sorry, Jason, if I have embarrassed you. Oh—his love for the Memphis Tigers is an inspiration as well.

6. Shane Claiborne. I am slowly plowing through his book The Irresistible Revolution and it is an incredible read. He has changed the way I think about many things. I keep taking long breaks between chapters so I can process what I've just read. Shane's words weigh heavily on my heart. To go into detail would take so much time… just read the book. You'll see what I mean. All the proceeds from the book go to charity (see? He’s awesome) so you can feel extra-good about buying it. Shane has a heart for the poor. Shane has been to Calcutta, has met Mother Teresa, and has lived in a leper colony. He has lived on the streets with the homeless. He has visited and worshiped with families in Iraq. He loves Jesus, and that is what drives everything he does. Shane is inspirational because he truly desires to live like Christ.

I should note that this list is really just a small picture of the people in my life (and, um, celebrities and others) who inspire me. I have so many friends who have played a role in my faith journey and in helping me become who I am today. These six are the first to be on my list; I’m sure many more will follow. Praise God for you all; I know that it is part of His plan for us to be in each other’s lives, and I am so blessed because of it.