My Mary-to-Martha ratio

As I was getting ready for work this morning, the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10: 38-42) found its way into my thoughts. I know there's a whole book about the concept of having a "Mary" heart, and I'm feeling like it may be something I need to read. But I started thinking about the story and how it relates to my quest for peace. Martha was the sister who busied herself with actually physically serving the Lord when he stepped into her home. She cleaned and cooked and prepared the house for him, and she complained when Mary did not help her. Am I a Martha? Certainly not in the sense that I'm constantly focused on serving the Lord. I lose that focus a lot. But what about in the sense that I can't slow down long enough to notice or care that I am in the presence of the Lord? I have days where I almost don't know what to do with myself if I have an hour of free time. Like today, for example. I will work until 4:30, and then I have to be somewhere at 9:30. That's five whole unplanned hours! How do I handle this? My first thought is to cram in a bunch of errands that I don't really need to run. But why can't I just curl up in the hammock with the book I just started reading, or maybe take my dogs to the park and enjoy the glorious fall weather that He has given us?

So I think there is a connection with being a Mary and being peaceful. When Jesus entered Mary and Martha's house, Mary sat at his feet and listened to what he had to say. And Jesus even said, "Mary has chosen what is better." So sitting and listening for the voice of the Lord is better than constantly being in motion, constantly being busy--that makes sense. But what if you're choosing between doing something to serve Him or sitting and listening for Him? I'm not saying that I face this choice a lot; as I said, I lose focus all the time and forget that I do what I do in order to glorify Him. I think that what I need to take away from this story is that there's nothing wrong with just stopping everything and being still. Sitting at His feet, or outside surrounded by His creation. I don't need to feel guilty or like I'm wasting time by taking time out of my busy life to listen for the voice of the Lord.

I would say I'm 90% Martha (the busy-with-my-own-life Martha, not the serving-the-Lord Martha) and 10% Mary. And that's being generous.

Time is (not) on my side.

I have identified a situation in which I am most certainly not peaceful: driving. And this may actually tie in with my time management issues, at least part of the time anyway. Sometimes there are just bad drivers on the road, but that is a post for another day. Yet other times, as was the case yesterday afternoon, I just don't manage my travel time well and I find myself stressing out behind the wheel. Yesterday I had an appointment at 4:15. I knew I would have to leave work by 3:30 in order to drive all the way across town and make it to my appointment on time. I hate being late. I think it is so disrespectful to be late for an appointment. It basically says "my job and my time are much more important than yours." (Again, another post for another day. How easily I digress.) So naturally, I didn't walk out the door until 3:45. I stressed and fretted as I wove my way across town, inevitably getting stopped at every red light. Literally, every light turned red as I approached it. I was six minutes late to my appointment, and I was so frustrated with myself (and traffic) and so not calm.

This is also pretty much how my morning commute goes. If I know I need to walk out the door at 7:30, why do I stay in bed until 6:30? Why do I hit the snooze button for 45 minutes? Maybe I just need a simple math lesson: If I get up at 6:30 and it takes me one hour and twelve minutes to get ready, and it takes me 15 minutes (on a good day) to drive to work, what time will I arrive? Or, how late will I be? I mean, really. I have no one to blame but myself. This inability to leave my home on time makes for a very hectic driving situation. I'm not an aggressive driver. I don't cut people off or honk or yell obscenities. I just arrive at work feeling very frazzled, and that's not a good way to start a peace-filled day, now, is it? And this problem could be solved so easily: get yourself out of bed, you lazy bum!

Using my inside voice

I am a loud person. I am that person whose friends shush her in public places (which, by the way, is hurtful. If you love me, you love my loudness). I love to have the last word in an argument. Oh, and I love to argue. I sing whenever I can. In the shower, while drying my hair, in the car, in my office, in the car, at church, on the treadmill, and in the car. I'm not familiar with the term "yes or no answer." If you ask me a question, I will answer you using as many words as possible.

Considering how loud I am, it's probably a good thing I became a teacher. I get to hear myself talk a lot. I have the ability to talk over a room full of chatty little people. In fact, I can yell over a whole playground full of chatty, shouty little people.

I love being loud. God made me this way, and I have been known to use that loud talking and singing to praise Him, and I am happy with who I am. But along with being loud comes being extroverted. I want to be around others, to the point that I quite often try to do too much. I am so blessed to have an amazing group of friends, the kind that no matter what we do together, I know we will have fun.

I have been thinking lately about my relationship with God, and I was thinking that I am in a good place right now. But then I heard a friend give a talk about silence, and listening for the still, small voice of God, and I realized that I don't do that. Sure, I praise God for the big things, and the things that affect my life. I boldly petition for what I want from Him, while recognizing that His plan for my life is the one that should come to fruition. But when do I ever just sit, and think, and most importantly listen? So when I got home that night, I tried it. I turned off the TV, put my phone away, and just sat. It was nice. The "silence session" morphed quickly into me burying my nose in a book until late into the night, but even that was a nice change for me. I live alone, and I have gotten to the point where I feel comfortable with the TV droning on in the background as I read. This weekend I went on a mission trip with some kids from my church, and before bed I took about 20 minutes and just sat. I stared at the ceiling, I thought about things, I might have prayed a little. I can't say that I had any big epiphanies, but honestly I loved just taking time to sit in silence. I felt calm afterward, and at peace.

So, probably during that silent time, I came to the conclusion that I desire more peace in my life. I want to take the time to notice my surroundings, to notice God's presence and to think before speaking and acting. I believe that when you ask God for something, like patience (or peace), he responds by putting you in situations where your patience is tested. When I came to that realization, I decided I was too impatient to pray for patience (ha). So before I tackle that one again, I am praying for peace. A sense of calm. A level head. And I welcome those situations where He will come in and test my sense of peace. I have learned this week to take a few seconds and think before answering a student's question. That makes me feel calmer, especially when the question is wildly off-the-wall. I have learned to pray over small issues throughout my day. That centers me and shifts my focus from myself to God.

I would say that my quest for peace is off to a good, calm start. Here's praying that that continues!