Mid-week mania

I wrote this Wednesday night, but I haven’t had internet access to post it until now:

For the record, I love my job. I thank God every day that He has blessed me with an amazing school, a fabulous group of coworkers, and the cutest darn kids I’ve ever seen. There isn’t even a “but…” to this statement. I honestly love it. I don’t ever want it to sound like I’m complaining about work.

That being said, there are some days where I just go and go and go, and it wears me out. This is our first week back after fall break, and I was anticipating a pretty light week. I really should take a look at my plan book before I decide such things. Monday and Tuesday were fine; I’m housesitting, so there were a few extra responsibilities but nothing too bad. Then Wednesday hit…

Wednesdays are always my longest, busiest days, and I just really struggle with finding mid-week peace. Today I woke up at 5:45; I fed and watered the dogs and then rushed off to work for “early morning duty,” which I do every Wednesday. God bless my dear, dear friend who brought me a nice big cup of Starbucks. I can’t work the fancy coffeemaker over here, and I didn’t have time to grab coffee at a drive through. From there, I don’t think I sat down all day, except for sitting uncomfortably on the floor in my skirt as I led small groups. I know that’s normal for a teacher. (I’m not complaining, just explaining.) We have faculty meetings on Wednesdays, and this week was my turn to organize snacks for the meeting. I love Halloween, so our snacks absolutely had to have a Halloween theme. That meant that I spent my time between classes setting up tables, decorating, arranging fake spiders artistically across my orange tablecloths, baking chicken-cheese things, etc. Then I spent the beginning of our meeting rushing around, making sure trays were filled and everyone else’s snack contributions made it to the table. Then I sat through a very informative talk about ADHD where I pretty much solidified my suspicion that I do indeed have ADHD. (That really helps with the whole “trying to be peaceful” thing, trust me.) From there I sped to my parents’ house to drop off all the dishes I borrowed for my snacks (moms own SO many Halloween platters—it’s a scary mom thing), then I went out for a quick dinner with my mom, during which I ate fast and talked fast—the entire time—about my hectic day (I’m sure Mom loved that), and then I went to church choir practice. By that point, I had entirely drained my supply of attention and good behavior for the day (side note: I really think I’m allotted a certain amount of attention span each day. I used all mine up by about 3:00 today). I fidgeted, I whispered to my friends, I texted, I checked my watch a lot, I spaced out… occasionally I sang when I was supposed to. And now I’m home, vegging in front of the TV in my pajamas, and I still feel like I’m rushing. My mind just won’t stop.

My problem is that once I get going, I can’t slow down. Days like today, I’m just constantly thinking about the next thing. I rush through dinner so I can do what? Hurry up and go sit around at choir? And then I’m impatient during choir because I can’t wait to go sit around on the couch. Is this normal? Am I really living my life the way God wants me to when I’m not really living in the moment? I wish I could just focus on what I’m doing at the time, without being so anxious for what is coming next. And when the day is over, when it’s time to just slow down and enjoy a meal with family or time singing with friends or quiet time on my couch , I wish I could really s l o w  d o w n.

Luckily there’s another Wednesday coming up, so I can try this whole slowing down thing again.