Slowing down. Way down.

I've been forced to slow down this week. And, as a warning, I am writing this while in a sinus-medicine-induced haze, so my thoughts are kind of everywhere. While I love the beauty of God's creation, I am sadly allergic to all of it. Animals, feathers, dust, mold, grass, pollen, trees... the list goes on. Way back when I was a good asthmatic with serious allergies, I dutifully took all my medicine and got weekly allergy shots. Now (big surprise) I can't seem to fit those weekly shots into my schedule, and I can't bear to shell out a $50 copay to go see the allergist, so I get by with taking the occasional Claritin and sometimes using my backup emergency Albuterol inhaler when cuddling with my puppies causes my breathing passages to close up. It could be worse.
But about twice a year, I am hit with a terrible, horrible sinus infection. And this week has been the Second Annual Sinus Infection of 2010. I could feel it coming when I woke up on Monday. Tuesday, of course, was impossibly busy. I have season tickets at the Orpheum, and Tuesday night I had big plans to go out to dinner and see Wicked, which is one of my favorite shows. By the time I got to dinner, I was so stuffed up that I couldn't taste anything. I think I had a really good chicken and pineapple sandwich at South of Beale. Everyone who tasted it said it was good. As Wicked went on, I continued to go downhill. By the end of the show, I had gone through a handful of cough drops and a purse-full of Kleenex, and I had a fever.
At this point, I just want to say that I'm proud of myself: before I went to bed that night, I made the decision that I wasn't going to work on Wednesday. I sent the necessary emails, took a big dose of whatever "may cause drowsiness" medicine I could find, and didn't even set the alarm clock. That is a big step for me. I hate missing a day of work, especially when I haven't planned for it. I feel like I have people and children who are counting on me to be there, and I don't want to let them down. The bigger issue here, though, is that I feel guilty missing a day, as if people are saying, "She's slacking off. How sick can she really be? The rest of us all come to work even when we don't feel great." I don't know if people actually say this-- I just imagine that they do. But honestly, I'm not doing myself or anyone else any favors by trying to "survive" at work on a day when I just need to be at home. I slept for twelve straight hours, went to the doctor, and (thanks to a sinus cocktail and four prescriptions) went back to work on Thursday feeling a million times better. I'm still not feeling great, but I know I feel better than I would have if I hadn't just taken a little time to slow down. It's Saturday afternoon right now, and I have had a restful weekend so far. I know my body needs it, so I'm trying to be good to myself and not push myself too hard. I want to be out there in the fall weather. I want to go on a walk, look for pretty trees, admire the Halloween decorations in the nearby neighborhoods. But not yet. Honestly, I've enjoyed having a few slow days. I may claim sinus trouble for a few more weeks, just to have an excuse to be slow about things!


On the subject of slowing down, a friend posted this on Facebook earlier this week:

"Speed damages our souls because living fast consumes every ounce of our energy. Speed has a deafening roar that drowns our the whispering voices of our souls and leaves Jesus as a diminishing speck in the rearview mirror." -Michael Yaconelli

 

It's like she knew I needed to read that! Thanks, A! I have thought about the effect that my rushing around has on God's presence in my life, and this quote just puts it perfectly. I am leaving Him behind. This is my favorite time of year, when the weather cools off and the trees change. I feel like some years I really soak up the season; I admire every changing tree, every falling leaf, and I see God's presence in nature. And then other years, I just get so wrapped up in myself that before I know it, fall has passed, the trees are bare, and I haven't praised God for letting me appreciate yet another brilliant autumn. Well, that's not going to happen this year. I am slowing down, I am looking at every tree, and I am looking for God's beauty during this, my favorite time of year. Those red trees on the side of the road may be diminishing specks in my rearview mirror, but God will not be!